When we are struggling with an issue do we say life sucks? a lot of us do. I know I have. Well the past few months I've been struggling...a lot. Mm, no it's not life threatening like being diagnosed with cancer. But no, it's not just one thing. And no, it's not very fun. And no, it's not exciting to wake up in the morning and think "what am I looking forward today? Oh, nothing." Ever feel like everything you love has been taken away from you? Ever feel like when you need friends and love the most it's not there? Ever feel like nothing goes right anymore and someone's always mad at you? Ever feel like you can't do anything right and when you do, no one notices? Ever wonder why?
Well I'm not going to tell you what's been going on with me the past month or so but truthfully, a big part of it was my own fault. The other parts...I cannot explain except with this:
"My strength is perfected in [your] weakness. My grace is sufficient for you." (II Cor. 12:9)
As everything that I have been dealing with collapsed in around me again last Monday, I hurt more than I can ever remember hurting before. I cried out that God would deliver me from what He's been putting me through. I was in defiance to my parent's and so I was truly in defiance to God. Saturday and Sunday I began realizing that I wasn't doing myself any favors by being defiant to my parent's and so I began putting myself back together. Sunday morning I was at our prayer meeting and afterwords, our assistant pastor said he had something for me. I followed him into his office and he handed me a book, 'Jesus Calling'. He said to me "I'm hoping this will help you out with things, Andrea." I thanked him and left. He had no idea what has been going on.
Monday morning started a new week and I prayed that God would speak to me and give me a mind for Him. I sat down to do devotions and opened up this new book. Day one started like this: 'Come to Me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed.' It went on saying not to cling to old ways but to seek God's face with an open mind. I wanted to be changed! I smiled to myself, continued my devotions, and then went on with my life for that day. It was nice having everything focused on my Savior, my family, my school, and NOT myself. I had been very caught up in 'me' lately and spent much too much time doing things I shouldn't. As the day came to a close, more devastation appeared. I was shocked and heartbroken. While this was going on, I turned my attention from myself and realized something else was going on. Something that not only involved me, but very much so my parent's and older sister. We sat on the floor, Marissa and myself crying and thinking through what the heck we would do next. this wasn't supposed to be how things turned out!
Back and forth I went between the two situations, not knowing what was going on and why. After a while I ran to my room sobbing and sat down on the floor with my face in my hands. My toe touched something...'Jesus Calling.' I opened up and now was on day four. The first paragraph said this 'I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying "I trust You, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you.' Um..are You talking to me God? Yes.
No one can understand God's plans but our part is simply to trust Jesus through it all. I am convinced that whatever happens, He is in control and will carry me through, putting back the pieces of my heart and making it more beautiful and precious than before. There is a plan for everything and we don't have to know what it is...just trust. With a smile :)
In Christ,
Andrea
My wonderful big sister took this picture, great isn't it? and not edited! way cool :)
